My Name, A living memory

20 April 2009

Old pain doesn't completely die. Time may soothe it, stroke over it until it looks like it has healed, but it never dies properly. It stays with you, it lives in the cracks of your soul, waiting for moments when you feel true pain. Other people has hurt me several times over the years. I'd cried, I'd ached, I'd grieved with varying degrees of intensity.

I wanted to talk so much yet he doesn't want to talk. I didn't know anything.

I lost track of what he's thinking or doing. Or should I say, I have never understand him before?

I have not been sleeping for 32hours and got a afternoon nap for 4 hours only.. I thought I would sleep longer than 4 hours. I'm just like a superwoman now, don't have to sleep and I'm so awake.. . I'm so glad to have friends around me. Although I'm terribly upset, they are still be there for me and comfort me. I feel good. Thanks to MingQuan and my ex colls...

Friend ever told me, because of one tree.. you let go of the whole jungle. I thought it would work out by doing this. I don't mind. I rather try than I didn't try and regret like before. Ended up, do I deserve this kind of treatments? I didn't done anything sorry to him. Why do he need to treat me this way? What if I didn't try to tame down and be like what I used to be? Drink, club and enjoy everyday... What will be the outcome? I don't love to quarrel.. I wish to know everything of him as a gf.. Whenever I'm out with my friends, I would think of him.. wondering have he taken his dinner? etc...

I've learned from him that sacrifice is to be made and he's not sad or sorry about it. I stand nowhere in his heart, not even as a gf. Do he have any guilty conscience by treating me this way?

It hurts... I got treated like a big bloody fool outta nowhere by him.. his "cousin".. but actually his ex gf. A very long story that I've experienced. I got into his life at the wrong time and the wrong situation.. Or I shouldn't have get into his life at all... It's not fair... but what done is already done. Life still goes on.. It's just a dream..

happy smile with pair of sad eyes.